Mind|Body|Spirit Academy

I’ve always had a certain simultaneous attraction and repulsion for the holiday season. I think it’s related to the way that the fantasy is so much shinier than the reality.

The ideal is perfect harmony, the right gift for everyone, winter bliss and all the little joys of the season – special treats and extra kindness for others.

The reality includes some of the fantasy, plus other things like consumerism, greed, selfishness, and disappointment. There’s aggressive traffic, aggressive shopping, excessive indulgence of all kinds, depression and loneliness for some, family conflict over schedules and miscommunications.

It occurred to me recently that some of this gap between fantasy and reality is because of our expectations. last weekend while my husband took me to 4 stores trying to find replacement bulbs for the LED tree lights, I noticed how easy it was to shut others in the stores out of my attention, avoiding eye contact, for I was “on a mission”, and so were they. (I’ve been even more aware on subsequent visits to stores just how unaware and in their own heads others are, and I’m trying to be more present as a result, even when in a hurry now.)

Expectations: I was exasperated when I failed to find what I was looking for because I assumed it was readily available. I expected Target to give accurate information when we called and waited for them to verify stock. I didn’t expect to drop my 1 day old phone in the parking lot and stress over the damage for another 24 hours. On top of it all, I was irritated at spending so much of our precious Sunday evening on this endeavor when I expected it to be a simple errand. And for some reason I cannot now explain, it seemed urgent to remedy the unlit bottom half of the tree – the primary expectation that set the whole thing in motion.

More expectations: Every year, there is some change to plans or schedules required in response to other family changing their plans with seemingly little notice, and often miscommunication in the process. What causes me every year to expect this will not happen?

And still more expectations: Then there are all of the other little ideas about what the holiday include that somehow turn into pressure to do them all – homemade cookies, cards sent on time with personalized messages, decorations inside and out, enough of the right gifts for everyone – with an urgency as though tragedy will result without these things. Have you noticed? We trample each other during this season in myriad ways, in a fury to wipe out the potential discomfort of inadequacy. 

These recent years have brought some of the slimmest holidays yet to our household, and yet have forced me to be more mindful of my discomfort with not doing all of the usual holiday stuff, and to make a choice not let it be a downer. In doing so, I have received an invaluable gift: I have been forced to search for and discover what makes the holidays special in the absence of the ability to purchase substantial gifts, and to revel in the tiny joys right under my nose:

• special drives and walks to view the abundance of beautiful lights in our neighborhood
• rituals like choosing the live tree, and placing and decorating it
• the smells: fir tree, eucalyptus wreath, fireplace, baked goods and candles
• the kindness of strangers – someone gave me change for a dollar today when store clerks turned me away – and refused to take my dollar
• the excitement and wonder of the holidays for children
• the sight of the lit tree in the early morning and late evening, decorated with memories of holidays past
• special holiday music, new and old
• giving and receiving small unexpected treats, gifts and kindnesses
• slowing down of work schedules, and time off
• cosy evenings by the fire
• winter wildlife sightings: 3 deer this evening on our walk
• special time with family and friends
• luminaries in the whole neighborhood on one night of the year

These are the skills of savoring and gratitude – practices for cultivating positive emotions that Christopher Germer talks about in his book on self compassion. These are skills that we can use during the holidays and all year round. We often receive and send such wishes to retain seasonal join all year in holiday greeting cards, but with these skills, it really is possible to keep the spirit of the season all year round!

References

Germer, C. K. (2009). The mindful path to self-compassion: Freeing yourself from destructive thoughts and emotions. New York: Guilford Press.

This article by Natural Maven called Ten Ideas for Enjoying Your Life More is pretty darn good.

Not surprisingly, one of the items is to ditch the television. I’ve recently read a more in-depth description of why tv watching reduces our happiness, and it was pretty interesting – it said your brain gets trained toward drama and makes your ordinary life seem boring by comparison, which leads to unhappiness and significantly increases the risk for depression.

If that’s not enough there’s the 2010 Australian study showing higher risk of death from television viewing! And if you need a bit more verification, the 2012 study analyzing data from the NHANES found that limiting time watching television to less than 2 hours per day added 1.38 years of life. Cutting total daily sitting time to less than 3 hours increased life expectancy by 2 full years. The study followed 166,738 survey respondents for almost 10 years.

Cutting tv time is something I want to start doing, but it’s difficult. I think probably because we are often tired in the evening and it’s become a cheap, lazy habit. I irrationally worry we won’t spend much time together if I go do something else instead. I don’t actually know that this is true. I do know that I will have to take the lead if I want to do this for myself, and that’s probably the hardest part.

It occurs to me that I might make a start by tracking the amount of time spent, so I can have the cold, hard facts for motivation! So here’s your challenge and mine: count your tv time for a week and share what you found!

Here‘s an interview w/ Matt Stone of 180 Degree Health on Natural Maven about his take on juicing.

I think it’s interesting that he advocates against drinking yucky green stuff or a lot of vegetable juice, especially if you find it yucky, and adding a bit of salt to 1/2 diluted juice (homemade Gatorade, anyone?).

He also recommends against juice fasts. You can read the details.

I now drink juice instead of the giant glass of water I used to have first thing in the morning. I have had a really hard time relaxing about the juice, and doing some of the other things I need to in order to raise my metabolism, in part because of my deeply ingrained fear of sugar and salt. When I was a kid, we used to have a kelp shaker on the table instead of salt and/or pepper. The first dozen years or so of my life included pretty minimal processed sugar intake – I still remember the gross smell of molasses and honey mixed in with the fake maple syrup on our pancakes, and turning down sweets at school (we were well-trained!). I always wondered why the cookies sourced from outside our house were crunchy and white, while ours were always like brown, cake hockey pucks.

And just like when I was a kid, we’ve still got lots of health gurus out there telling us to avoid the demon sugar, and all the old medical beliefs still circulating about salt consumption and blood pressure. I can’t remember a time when my grandmother wasn’t avoiding salt on doctor’s orders to reduce her hypertension (or so they thought – doesn’t seem like it worked well, or at all).

So far, the results of Matt’s suggestions are good and my metabolism seems better. I’m warmer, calmer, happier, and – I am even voluntarily turning down sugar and wanting to dilute my juice now. I seem repelled by stimulants lately, as well – my years-long, dark chocolate addiction seems to have disappeared. Tried to eat a square of dark chocolate and could barely gag it down. No desire for coffee, or caffeine, either. It seems the body might be trusted, after all!

Now if I could just get myself to bed on time…

Having made the mistake already of assuming wine was gluten-free (cuz it’s made from grapes, duh!), I decided to check out the safety of my favorite sweet treats (dark chocolate peanut butter cups, and peppermint patties). Mine turned out to be safe, but I discovered a few I didn’t know and won’t be eating again (Milky Way, and Smarties).

Check your favorite goodies here, and as always, if you aren’t sure, call the company and keep yourself safe!