I’m writing as much as I can before I have to go the office to meet clients. It’s been bothering me that I haven’t written more recently than this, but things are changing (in me) so quickly now that as soon as I start to write, it’s different again.
Today I had a session where I had support to contact and bring back online the parts of me that make me a woman…my curves, my parts, my essential femaleness. I’m aware it wasn’t safe to fully inhabit these parts while I was growing up, and all of the factors that play a role.
It’s going on 6 years since the very first time I ever heard about a thing called Somatic Experiencing, and so I think, wow, a lifetime of severe trauma and PTSD, and it took only 6 years to become a whole human again. I get why some people might not want to invest in that. And, in truth, I’ve probably been working on this healing process since I was 5 (that’s 45 yrs, give or take). For 6 years I’ve worked on it in all my somatic trainings where we practice on each other, practice and trade with my peers, studied polyvagal theory and SE, paid for ongoing SE, BCST, and Rolfing and polarity work, and meditated and studied nonduality and spirituality nonstop. I’ve been lucky to also be a demo in trainings with some highly skilled teachers: Dave Berger, Abi Blakeslee, Raja Selvam, Peter Levine. Those experiences have all been pivotal in their own way.
The demo with Peter at the end of March really seems to have shifted everything into high gear, like a million tiny pieces falling into place, still falling. I worked on a tonsils surgery from childhood, which I never would have guessed was holding up so much of my ability to move forward in life.
Last Saturday I had a session with an assistant at Dave Berger’s BASE training, and it seemed like I suddenly had a 3d face after that. Now 5 days later, I also have a 3d body.
People ask me what it’s going to look like, how long it’s going to take, and I wish I could tell them. I can only say that I know that any effort put toward awakening to yourself is never wasted. I notice that with right support, the thing that wants to bubble up next to be processed just seems to arise, and that there’s no wrong place to start, because, as I’m discovering in ways my mind could only guess, it’s all connected.
Have a wonderful, loving, living, breathing, beautiful human day. I’m off to work.
(I’ll fill in links to the people and things in this post later this evening if you want to check back.)