I’m starting to notice that I’m losing the will to rush around and cram my days too full. I literally cannot summon it, bribe or threaten it into action.

I just noticed something about this recently in a different way than I’ve ever thought or felt about self care in the past…it seems like trying to resist the reality of needing transition time, recovery time, adequate travel time, or ignoring any of my needs, really, is just aversion to what is. So is working too much, skimping on self-care, staying up too late, and eating things that make me feel lousy. I already knew this, but something suddenly became completely obvious:

The lack of self care is actually self violence. 

It struck me as I was thinking about the transition time I scheduled at the beginning and end of an upcoming trip out of state that I’m making for training. I have always tended to think of the day before and after as “optional” or as something I know I desperately want but is not valid because others don’t need or take so much time (likely faulty assumption).

There’s always some good excuse available to ignore my needs – someone else needs something, it’s not “normal”, financial pressure, it takes too long, it’s not fun, what others might think, or “I’ll never get enought done this way” thoughts. And none of these things really matters in the face of the obvious. Needs aren’t negotiable. They just are.

The simplicity of this movement toward alignment with reality is a relief. It is also fierce, uncompromising, and beyond my control. I cannot unknow it or override it. Welcome to continuous awakening.