Just found in my Facebook feed:
Here’s the Pema Chodron FB page if you would like to follow her posts.
Happy reading!
I get these in my email and wanted to share this one today:
EQUANIMITY
The traditional image for equanimity is a banquet to which everyone is invited. That means that everyone and everything, without exception, is on the guest list. Consider your worst enemy. Consider someone who would do you harm. Imagine inviting them to this feast.
Training in equanimity is learning to open the door to all, welcoming all beings, inviting life to come visit. Of course, as certain guests arrive, we’ll feel fear and aversion. We allow ourselves to open the door just a crack if that’s all that we can presently do, and we allow ourselves to shut the door when necessary. Cultivating equanimity is a work in progress. We aspire to spend our lives training in the loving-kindness and courage that it takes to receive whatever appears—sickness, health, poverty, wealth, sorrow, and joy. We welcome and get to know them all.
What she’s saying here is pretty contradictory to the way we all live our lives – we are habitually on a quest to avoid anything unpleasant. I find it’s easier to welcome the unwanted visitors some days more than others, and easy to beat myself up for wanting to turn away from tough stuff on the hard days. Then I remember to welcome even that experience, as well.
This is directly relevant to the source of suffering: clinging to what we prefer and resistance to what we don’t like, and the never ending struggle to predict and control so we can cling and avoid.
The quote is from Pema Chodron’s book The Places That Scare You, and it’s one of my favorites.
What comes up for you as a reaction to the idea of welcoming ALL of the guests, of allowing all of your experiences? You are welcome to join the beginner’s meditation group on Tuesday evenings if this is something you are interested in discussing or hearing more about, or share below.
I have delayed writing about my new adventures in nutrition with Glen Aukerman at the OSU Center for Integrative Medicine because it’s still a work in progress, and I haven’t been able to draw conclusions yet about any changes.
There are a couple of things I’ve become more sure of, though, and they are:
One of the things I have been doing for the last 90 days since first discovering the need to balance fatty acids is aiming for a 1-1 ratio of Omega 3 to Omega 6. Dr. Weil, Chris Kresser, Dr. Aukerman or pretty much any credible medical source on record now all agree that balancing the essential fatty acids (EFA) Omega 3 and 6 as much as possible is required to prevent disease. Of course there are some who still disagree, but it’s becoming difficult to ignore the benefits of EFA balance. Modern American diets average 1-20 to a 1-30 ratio of Omega 3 to Omega 6, and this is a very new phenomenon, along with the rise in the rates a host of inflammatory diseases. Balancing EFAs means reducing plentiful Omega 6 oils in the diet or offsetting them to a 1 to 1 ratio with fish oils high in Omega 3, with a goal of reducing disease-causing inflammation in the body.
Why do we have such an EFA imbalance in developed countries? Partly because we have a societal head-on collision between this new information about EFA imbalance on one side, and the momentum of the current movement that is pushing whole grains, soy, nuts, seeds and poultry as “healthy” alternatives to fast food and empty calories on the other side. True, perhaps the nuts are an improvement in some ways – empty calories rob our bodies of nutrients – as in, you get a net negative balance nutrition-wise because you use valuable nutrients to digest the soda or the donut. But our switch to vegetable oils from trans-fats for cooking also put us in a new and different pickle – the healthier alternative used in most restaurants today is soybean oil, or a “vegetable oil blend” heavily weighted toward soybean oil, which has the highest Omega 6 content of any seed oil.
Back when I read the book Omega Rx in my quest for health I didn’t know any of this. I thought I could just throw back some fish oil every day to reap the benefits of Omega 3 supplementation – I did it for a little over 3 years and while I did notice some improvement, I still struggled with allergies and started to gain weight in the 3rd year. Attending Dr. Aukerman’s nutritional principles lecture woke me up to the importance of Omega 6 and 3 balance, and that I was eating massive quantities of Omega 6 in poultry, garbanzos, nuts, whole grains, and olive oil in a misguided attempt to eat “healthy” (you can also check out his book from the library). Add to that eating at places like Chipotle that I thought were healthy, but turns out they use soybean oil in everything – including the rice! Oh, and let’s not forget all the salad dressing on the healthy greens – I dare you to try to find salad dressing in the store that does not contain soybean oil. There are 1 or 2 if you hunt in the specialty aisle, but I found it quite shocking when I really started to look for an acceptable dressing.
So, suffice it to say the 2 teaspoons of high quality fish oil I was taking every day didn’t even put a dent in my daily Omega 6 tally. The quantities of Omega 6 I was getting in my salad dressing, mayo, chicken, turkey, hummus, olive oil and almonds, in particular, were so high that I wasn’t bringing the ratio down enough to matter – and I was eating well – lots of organic and whole foods!
Now I take the amount of Omega 3 fish oil at every meal needed to balance out whatever Omega 6 is in it. Since I can’t take enough (I could but it’s expensive and who wants to take that many pills???) to balance out soybean oil, I avoid it entirely, as well as garbanzos and poultry, and am only using macadamia nuts sparingly when I eat nuts right now.
Bloodwork shows my cholesterol levels all moved back to ideal after 90 days of this new approach. And, I have a new recent development to report: I am not having the usual seasonal allergies for this time of year. Pollen levels have started to rise here in central Ohio, and I am not having a problem. I am used to sneezing, congestion, tiredness, itchy eyes and nose this time of year, but it just doesn’t seem to be happening. I cannot fully express the impact of this here – I have suffered miserable hayfever and an ever-increasing list of food allergies since grade school. I can hardly believe this – don’t really even believe it yet.
I hope this lack of allergic reaction is a trend that continues. I did read recently about a 2005 German study that looked at 568 people and found that those with a higher concentration of omega-3 fatty acids in their red blood cells experienced reduced hay fever symptoms, and a 2006 study in Sweden that found “Regular fish consumption before age 1 appears to be associated with a reduced risk of allergic disease and sensitization to food and inhalant allergens during the first 4 years of life”. I didn’t make the connection until recently and plan to ask the doc about it in two weeks. Perhaps Omega 3 oils cool the allergic response?
Here’s a chart that shows omegas in foods if you want to try to start balancing your omegas. A way to get some perspective is to think about how many triple strength (1000mg omega 3 each) fish oil capsules you would need to take to equal the Omega 6…you’ll see right away that some foods just aren’t worth it: 1 oz (2 T) of soy or corn oil has over 14,000 mg of Omega 6. You can also use the free KIM-2 program from the National Institute of Health to help choose foods for EFA balance.
Here’s the German study if you want a peek: Hoff S, Seiler H, Heinrich J, Kompauer I, Nieters A, Becker N, Nagel G, Gedrich K, Karg G, Wolfram G, Linseisen J. Allergic sensitisation and allergic rhinitis are associated with n-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids in the diet and in red blood cell membranes. Eur J Clin Nutr. 59.9 (2005): 1071 – 1080.
I’ll have more next time on how I am doing this and staying sane without going broke taking fish oil, including recipes :). It’s all a work in progress as I learn to rethink “healthy” eating.
Please let me know if you are interested in this subject and what you think of this article!
Thanks for reading!
I recently ran across this excellent description of what happens with your autonomic nervous system and how it affects your body and brain under chronic stress from the Wisebrain website. The website is a nonprofit effort of Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius, the authors of The Buddhas’s Brain, which is an excellent book that describes what happens to your brain and body when you meditate regularly.
If I ever needed a reason to meditate, stay calm, and cultivate a positive attitude, I got it from his description. I was really struck by how the brain changes when it thinks we are under threat and becomes more likely to perceive threat and more sensitive so it responds quicker – a vicious cycle! I also got a reminder and a good picture of how our bodies aren’t built to withstand long term moderate activation of the stress response (aka: “fight, flight, or freeze”) most of us typically are subject to.
Hanson points out that we can manipulate both the gas, and the brakes on our nervous system, and offers several ways to activate the brakes, including meditation. He makes a case for focusing on internal changes versus being overly focused on trying to change external conditions.
Hanson has lots of other cool resources on his website, and you might want to take a look at the other Train Your Brain resources on the list where this one came from.
I was reminded recently (and for the 78th time) that getting to bed by 11 changes how I feel in the morning, regardless of how many hours of sleep I get. It’s been a bit of a challenge to get back on schedule after vacation, when bedtimes drifted into the 1 and 2am range, and sleep seemed to come at any time after a day of sun, sand, and surf topped with fresh fish, wine, and lounging around all evening. After a little less than 2 weeks of being in bed by 11, I finally feel human again. I’m guessing it’s because I’m back to getting the kind of stress repair that’s only available during sleep from 11pm-1am.
And, yes, you can do this, too. It’s not like I’ve been so good about it – ever. I just keep aiming at 11pm. Sometimes it’s been slightly after 11, sometimes it’s 10:30, but I suddenly find myself tired at 1o and waking naturally at 6 or 7, and feeling much less sluggish and surreal first thing, less fatigued during the day, and just in better mental shape in general. Though I am not likely to call myself a morning person in this life, I just know this is better for me.
As with other things that I could feel a lot better if I could stick to (like excercise, avoiding dairy, and hanging up my car keys in the same spot), it’s as though I periodically need to experience the misery of not doing them in order to remember and appreciate what I get out of putting myself to bed on time, feeding myself well, and taking a little time to be more organized.
So, I’m back on the wagon (it helps to live with a teacher who has to get up early). Being a bit of a night owl (my mother says it’s my 5pm birth time, but I think it’s just because I seem to resist structure at every opportunity), I have to use all the tricks I know to wind down at night, instead of getting revved up with ideas for work, watching Poirot on the BBC, or cleaning house. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far – note my newest discovery – apps to manage blue light emissions from my electronic devices:
Do you have a hunch some of this might be what you need? So, maybe try it out for yourself for a week or two and have a listen. You might be surprised at what your body tells you. Share your findings below – I’d love to hear how it goes!
Although the amount of stuff going on in this linked page is the opposite of mindfulness, the article is still worth reading. It’s Nick Ortner talking about EFT (emotional freedom technique), aka meridian tapping, for the fear of flying. As I boarded a plane two days ago and usually feel a bit nervous until I am at a complete stop on the ground again, I was reminded by Nick‘s article I read recently that I have tools to reduce the anxiety.
This technique can be used for other fears and phobias, and I’ve used it with great success for my public speaking anxiety, as well as other things. It involves gently tapping on places on your face and upper body where the energy meridians are close to the surface in order to release trapped emotional energy. Here’s a quick explanation with diagrams of the points.
I love that this article is on such a mainstream media outlet like the Huffiington Post. EFT is easy and drug-free and seems to be very effective for a lot of people. You can find little green EFT guides for everything from weight loss to procrastination that are well-written and easy to read, and any one of them will give you the basics you need to get started for using it on anything you need. Dr. Mercola has a good EFT page, and EFT informational videos on YouTube – there are tons! – can teach you the basics and more.
For a more personalized approach, you can try in-person instruction with a counselor or coach, or trained EFT practitioner to get started or for ongoing support as you learn. There’s some evidence that when more than one person taps together simultaneously, it’s even more effective. You can even tap on your kids, your dog, your cat, or your spouse (with permission). I use EFT with some of my clients, I know other coaches and counselors who do too, and there’s at least one person in C-bus who holds EFT informational sessions at the Whetstone library. Call me if you’d like some help getting started or have questions after you find out more about EFT – it’s a great way to use the time in a free initial consultation!
I really like this recent Ellen Langer post about bucket lists. Perhaps because her comments about not needing one resonated with me. I used to have one. I used to think I needed one. Recently I’ve noticed the idea of a list of things I long to do someday feeling less relevant. I think Langer is right. If you are living life mindfully, there’s more of a chance that you are already living your best life, your most authentic life, and then what purpose would the bucket list serve? Perhaps my mindfulness journey has led to the obsolescence of my bucket list.
I really think it’s what’s in the subtext of the “bucket list” that attracts us. It connotes misty feelings of misspent youth, of life passing us by. If it’s really that important to you to experience certain things, what are you waiting for? If you can’t do it today, what one small step can you take in that direction? If you’re going to make a bucket list, it might be best to get started right away checking off the items, because as the events of last Friday so clearly remind us, there are no guarantees of a tomorrow.
I’d love to know your thoughts about this. Do you have a bucket list?
I love this recent NY Times opinion page article about our self-imposed busyness.
Drop me a comment if you’re not too busy…
Have you noticed this gift we all have for identifying imperfection? I consider myself to be a certified expert, despite my lack of proof. Though, I suppose my graduate degree in policy analysis could support my case.
We spend oodles of time and effort to identify exactly who, and what, it is in our lives that is responsible for our unhappiness, and then we set about designing a program to change it or them: change the job, ditch the partner, get in shape, get more organized, find the right organic bug killer, try to meditate more, and on it goes.
What we often fail to realize is that this natural tendency of our brains to discriminate also causes us a great amount of misery. Don’t get me wrong, this skill is incredibly useful for picking out dangers in the wild, and for editing Powerpoint presentations, but let run wild, it can cause abject misery. It can rob us of happiness by picking apart everything, all of the time.
Mindfulness applied unskillfully can even increase the problem, as we examine ourselves like bugs under a magnifying glass and begin to see every human tendency we despise. You may be familiar with the experience of judging yourself for judging someone else, or even yourself?
This is where I think a compassionate approach plus positive psychology can help. First, we practice actively sending compassion to ourselves and others when we are suffering, rather than beating ourselves up when we don’t like what we see. For those of us with control issues (that’s pretty much everyone) who think we’ll all turn into untamed beasts without such lashings, it helps to remind ourselves that we all respond better to carrots than to sticks (and science backs this up)!
Second, we can take advantage of the wonderful work of Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, and actively answer our human critical tendencies with practices that encourage us to appreciate imperfection, and be more aware of the perfection that’s right under our noses. This includes things such as:
We don’t have to just sit and observe our misery endlessly. That’s not what mindfulness is for. While it is useful to be mindful of the sources of our misery (i.e. grasping at or resisting what is), we can also hold the intention to be happier, and then practice to develop the skills that promote happiness. In short, we can mindfully train ourselves to be happy. This is not an exercise in denial or sappy rose-colored glasses thinking. It’s about seeing the truth that has always been there but that our brains have learned to tune out through the evolutionary instinct for survival.
For more positive psychology resources, visit Seligman’s Authentic Happiness website or the Positive Psychology Center.
For coaching or support in developing your happiness skills, call me!
I found this quote from Pema Chodron‘s weekly heart advice email to be especially relevant to where I am right now. And not just because we’ve had no internet since Friday and I’m writing this post from the Worthington Mall. I’m getting to ask myself very much lately, what is the gift here in this impatience, this irritation, this frustration with the current speed of progress in many areas of my life – career, health, even the state of my living spaces? This quote is also related to last night’s meditation group discussion:
THE PERFECTION OF PATIENCE
Patience is not learned in safety. It is not learned when everything is harmonious and going well. When everything is smooth sailing, who needs patience? If you stay in your room with the door locked and the curtains drawn, everything may seem harmonious, but the minute anything doesn’t go your way, you blow up. There is no cultivation of patience when your pattern is to just try to seek harmony and smooth everything out. Patience implies willingness to be alive rather than trying to seek harmony.
-Excerpted from The Pocket Pema Chodron, p. 72.
If you’d like to sign up for the heart advice email, I think you can do that here.
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