I had a little chuckle looking at the dozen or so draft posts from 2023 and even further back that I never finished. Partly because my experience had moved past that time, and it was difficult to finish from that place.

This morning I am short on time, pained with the holding back birthing this burst of writing started a week ago, and unable to ensure its perfection before I post. I am also pained by the AI predicament and vacillate between not wanting my content stolen and repurposed (though it probably already was before the bots), and the knowing that I don’t own it, or anything else.

In the mystery school called “Saggitarius”, Daniel Giamario teaches, we pursue Truth, knowing that it (truth) “is a moving target, not subject to dogma”. Don’t build a church or an altar to any discovery, because it is not static. His post this month on the retrograde is quite lovely. Plus it’s in Sag – that’s me :).

I’m reading Rick Rubin’s book on creativity right now. Surprised that I am a combination of bored and appreciative of his reminders. Maybe it will get better. I’ve read an awful lot of mindfulness hooha, so my review doesn’t really mean anything for you, most likely.

I’m also reading Brilliant Imperfection by Eli Clare. Probably every human should read it, but especially helpers. I notice more and more how much violence we do to each other by assuming things and not asking permission to say, ask or do things to others.

Going back and forth between senselessness and beauty. This is what is happening. Keeps happening. I keep working on my trauma, then I have an opening and I lose my reference point, and panic a little because it feels like nothing matters. I dip into the nihilism pool, and as I look out from the pool, some element of senseless beauty pulls me out, and I am thunderstruck. Then I go on again. It feels like the loop he talks about in Runaway Realization.

Despite holidays, bday, anniversary, I sure am feeling like being introspective right now. I just want time to ponder, to peruse all of my new books, to write, to fiddle with my guitar, to wander in the frozen yard. Not feeling like participating in forced anything or overriding myself at all. It’s different this year. Yes.

Have a beautifully human day, Beautiful Humans!